I think it’s been a little less than a month since the last time I wrote. This is not for lack of thoughts or happenings. In fact, the exact opposite, lack of time.
I’m writing today because I got hit hard in spiritual direction over the weekend. I’ve been struggling for basically the past year (and, actually, most of my life) to figure out God’s call. For me, that’s lodged somewhere between medicine and ministry. I feel called to medicine for a couple days and then flip to ministry for a few and then back. I wrestled with the two for several months around this time last year and then was given the wise advice to simply rest with the decision in God’s presence. It was hard at first, but eventually it got easier. I still had occasional panic attacks about what I was doing with my life, but they became much less frequent (short blips of time rather than a continuous state). I had entered this year in JVC as a “year of jubilee” (credit to my previous spiritual director), ready to feel out the ministry side of myself that I had never experienced professionally. But things never really work out as you planned. I told Fr. Steve, my current spiritual director, earlier this year that one of the things I’ve struggled with was this vocational decision. That came to a pinnacle this weekend.
